Intimacy while living with mesothelioma is a challenge for many patients and their partners. If you have mesothelioma or asbestos-related cancer, and intimacy is an issue, talk to your doctor about your limitations. Also, consider working with a therapist to help you and your partner cope.
Factors That Affect Intimacy
Living with a disease like mesothelioma is not simple. Living with cancer goes far beyond coping with discomfort and making treatment choices:
- Cancer patients also must face the fact that their lives may be shorter than they expected.
- They must also live with diminished physical abilities.
- Cancer patients must also deal with increased dependence on others.
- This all takes place while they are experiencing symptoms and side effects of treatment and making important life decisions.
The most obvious thing that impacts sexual intimacy is a preoccupation with changes and challenges. It may seem inconsequential to worry about sex when making life-changing decisions.
The stress of coping with this illness can severely affect your libido. While changes may be psychological or physical, it is not uncommon for cancer patients to become uninterested in sex.[1]
There are also real consequences of being sick, either from the disease, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, or major surgery. Cancer patients often experience serious fatigue, pain, immobility, difficulty breathing, and abdominal discomfort, among other potential symptoms.[1]
Finally, there may be emotional and psychological roadblocks to intimacy. Cancer patients often feel out of control as their bodies change in ways they often don’t like. Patients may gain or lose weight, affecting body image and self-confidence.[2]
Relationship changes can also factor into intimate relationships. For example, cancer patients may be more dependent on their partners than they were before cancer.
Talking to Your Doctor About Sex
This is not always a comfortable conversation to have, but it is important for those in a loving relationship. Cancer can take a toll on relationships, and physical intimacy can be seriously impacted when one partner is sick.
Aside from the potential embarrassment of talking to your doctor about sex, many patients are concerned their doctor will downplay its importance.
Patients may be concerned their doctor will tell them to focus on treatment and worry about intimacy later; however, intimacy can be a pressing issue, and that means your doctor will be happy to talk to you and offer guidance.[2]
Here are some tips for having this difficult conversation with your doctor:
- Be prepared with your important questions to have this discussion with your doctor. This will help the conversation go more smoothly. Ask about safety, potential limitations, and whether treatments might affect your libido.
- You can ask if there are any precautions you should take; also, if you experience sexual dysfunction caused by cancer treatments, ask about safe remedies. For young patients, asking how treatment will affect fertility is also important.
- You may also want to consult with specialized cancer sex therapists who can help you and your partner come up with ways to maintain your intimacy. They have expertise in working with cancer patients and they can help guide your questions and concerns.
- Speak with your oncology nurse or doctor about a referral to see them. Generally speaking, these are self-pay referrals and are not covered by insurance.
The Benefits of Intimacy
While sex may not be the same for you as before you got sick, if you are physically able to be intimate, there are some positive benefits. First, being sexual can restore a sense of normalcy to your life.
Everything seems to change when you get sick. Maintaining an intimate relationship may help you feel more grounded.
Sexual intimacy with a loving partner can also be a source of comfort for a patient with mesothelioma. One study of cancer patients found those most satisfied with their sex lives were able to enjoy closeness with a partner, even if that did not mean sexual intercourse.
In other words, sexual dysfunction caused by cancer did not prevent these patients from enjoying other forms of intimacy with their partners.
Potential Risks
Your doctor can tell you if there are risks associated with sexual activity while living with cancer or going through treatments. Any risks may be dependent on individual health and treatments.
Radiation
One concern is radiation during treatment. Most types of radiation therapy do not make patients radioactive or put their partners at risk.
Pain
Pain is also a consideration, as is having sex after surgery. Being intimate may exacerbate pain, and physical activity of any kind can be risky after surgery.[3]
Pregnancy
For younger patients, pregnancy may be a risk. If you are too ill to carry a child, or if you have decided not to have children because of your illness, using contraceptives is important.
Infections
Cancer treatments, especially chemotherapy, can weaken the immune system. You may be more susceptible to infections for some time after treatment.
This is an important consideration if you are sexually active. Protecting yourself from sexually transmitted diseases is crucial. Talk to your doctor about your risks and what you need to know to stay safe.[4]
How Does Cancer Affect Your Partner?
The way mesothelioma impacts a relationship affects both people. While you struggle with the diagnosis, symptoms, and treatments, your intimate partner is also impacted. You both might have some questions and concerns that you can discuss with your medical team.
How Can I Consider My Partner’s Needs?
So much revolves around the patient in this situation that the partner’s needs can get left behind. While you might need more attention right now, it’s important to consider your partner as well. They are hurt by your diagnosis, too, and probably feel scared and anxious.
You need to devote most of your energy to healing but take some time to address your partner’s needs. Talk to them about how they feel and what they need during this difficult time. They could benefit from their own support systems or even a therapist.
Can My Partner Get Mesothelioma?
You might also worry about your partner’s physical health. Rest assured that you cannot pass mesothelioma to another person.
The asbestos exposure that likely caused cancer probably occurred decades ago. There is no risk of exposing your partner unless there is an additional source of asbestos, such as in your home.
Can Chemo Affect My Partner?
Many people also worry about the health effects their treatment and medications could have on a partner. Talk to your medical team about this.
Exactly how chemotherapy drugs might affect an intimate partner is not well understood. Doctors often recommend protection during sex while you go through treatment and for a week or so after just to be safe.[5]
How to Talk to Your Partner
One of the most important things to maintaining sexual intimacy is being open with your partner. Open communication will help you to overcome obstacles, make necessary changes to your sex, and maintain intimacy despite changes to your body and health. Talk to each other about your limitations and your fears and worries.[3]
If you are a cancer patient, keep your partner in the loop about your treatments and how they make you feel. If your partner has mesothelioma, be patient and understanding.
Ask questions so you know how having cancer is making him or her feel about intimacy. Above all, always communicate, not only to maintain sexual intimacy but to maintain a healthy and strong relationship.
Living with mesothelioma is not easy, but there are ways to make it less challenging. One is to face the issue of sexual intimacy head-on.
Doctors often wait for their patients to bring up the subject, so don’t be afraid to discuss the topic with your medical provider. Ask questions, be patient, make necessary changes, and talk to your partner. Let him or her help you and care for you, whether that means being intimate or holding off on sex for a while.
